I only just realised that the dance workshop I was doing today starts at 11 am, not 12 as I thought. It's not like me to make that sort of mistake, so I guess some part of me really didn't want to do it. I feel a bit miffed, as it's a really stupid mistake, but at the same time, very
free. The sun is beaming down on the snow, and although it's still cold, there's a trace of spring.
I have the strangest and most amazing feeling today, right at the pit of my stomach. It's a very strong sense of positive anticipation, of bliss, of light energy rising and vibrating. If I close my eyes I feel like I'm back in Glastonbury, because that's where I have felt like this. It's Goddess. It's transformation and healing and Love. It is the lightness of release, the strange buzz of change. It is a new beginning on a new day. It is Light returning and Life reborn. It is Bridie kindling Her fire.
Today I make the transition from Yule to Imbolc. Winter has been long and harsh here in the North, and the cold darkness and despair almost stifling. But it is changing now, rapidly. The energy shifted from Danu and the stillness of death before rebirth already around Christmas, to instead resemble that of Arhianrod and, even more so, of Skadi, the Scandinavian/Norse Goddess of winter.
To me, Skadi's energy touches on both Danu's and Bridie's, but is still different. She is the Ice Queen, regal in demeanour, the still, beautiful coldness of the Northern Star and the aurora borealis; She is harsh, unrelenting and still soft and beautiful - as changing as the northern winter. She is a Huntress, accompanied by wolves, who knows how to survive even the toughest winter and who will ride out any storm; She is an embodiment of strength, courage and justice; She is the womb of the waiting for rebirth. There is precious little room for weakness in the harsh northern winter, and I have felt that strongly in my life this winter, but there is a gentleness and protectiveness to be found with Skadi, and with Arhianrod and Danu. The thick fur of the wolf offers warmth, Goddess offers protection and strength.
I now feel that Skadi is riding further north again, leaving room for another Huntress: Bridie. It's strange, I never know what aspect of Bridie will be stronger for each year, and have still to experience the Maiden, or even the Girl aspect. My inner child is healing and growing, but it's like that as she does, she integrates with me so that there is really no division, no separate child part of me. I can relate to Bridie more as a fiery huntress, the healer, the fighter, the bringer of justice who asks me to walk through fire to burn away the dross and bring out that golden core of my Self. And, at times, as the poet, seer and bringer of truths. Which is not an entirely pleasant part to play.
But I also feel the presence of the Sami Goddess Rana-Neida (in some dialects spelled
Rana Niejta), who brings spring to the mountains. In Sami mythology, Sala Niejta, the daughter of the sun, removes the snow and the polar night and her sister Rana Neida, daughter of the earth, turns bud into leaf and fills the land with greenery. She is in many ways, a fertility Goddess, much like Flora or Freya, and I've seen Her painted with the small birds, much like my beloved Rhiannon. But I also feel an energy that reminds me of Artemis. The Sami Goddesses in general seem more fiery, intense, than most of the Greek and Roman Goddesses. Maybe that's just because I have a more direct connection with them; an energetic connection rather than the knowledge of reading about them as a child.
Rana has been around me for years, in various forms; she appears as a crone-like shamanka who wanders around me, muttering and beating Her drum, and ancestor watching over me. For a long time, that was all I knew about Her, as She didn't seem interested in communicating with the healers I worked with, and I didn't know how to communicate with Her.
Then something shifted, in Glastonbury, during the course of my training circle. As I affirmed Rana's presence in my life and among my guides and protectors, it was as if She stood taller, grew younger and stronger. Her presence was more than an ancestor, and I am still not sure what "ancestor" means in this context as I haven't been given more than that. Maybe it just means that She is one of the Grandmothers, as I've had confirmed. It wasn't until a year and a half, or maybe two years, ago that I learned Her full name, Rana-Neida, and that She is a Goddess. Daughter of the land, daughter of the green fields.
Spring is on its way, and I feel the energy rising in me again. Did I finally break through the bottom of the cauldron? I am full of love, and vibrating.
