Blind loyalty

I’ve been thinking about this with blind faith, blind loyalty, love is blind. I don’t believe in doing things blindly; I think there’s a danger to that. Of course, sometimes we have to trust faith, and step into the unknown just hoping that it will work. But honestly, I never do so lightly, never without hesitation, never trusting fortune completely. I doubt, I resist, but I surrender. I do it without knowing what will come – blindly, in that sense – but hoping that I can deal with what comes. Because I’ve  prepare as best I can, before; I’ve considered scenarios and done what I can to give fortune a chance. Sometimes I even enjoy not knowing, and having to surrender control, but I’ve always given it some consideration and decided that it’s worth it. Blindly? Not really. Trusting, more like it. Trusting in spite of not knowing, trusting something higher to help, and trusting myself to handle what may come.

My faith in Goddess is deep, but is it blind? No. And it’s not unwavering. I doubt, I question, I rebel, but I surrender, and I trust Her to be there, as I know She is. And as I know, I don’t have to believe it. I know. 

And my faith is not in some perfect deity, not in trusting that all will always be well. I walk Her path knowing that it’s not perfect, as I’m not perfect, as nothing in Nature is perfect. We don’t know what may come. But it is what it is. Maybe that’s perfection. And it’s how my faith is; I may resist, question, and go into things kicking and screaming, but  I surrender. I do it. I take Her hand.  

Blind loyalty, now there’s something I don’t trust at all. I think it’s dangerous when people obey and are loyal without questioning, without thinking and reflecting upon who they are loyal to. People who are blindly loyal are easily manipulated, and we see it all the time. It’s fundamental to any sect culture, whether it is religious, political, success/self-development… It’s how atrocities are commited in the name of a God or a leader or an ideology. It’s not sane.

In faith and religious contexts, as well as in politics and activism, I have witnessed blind loyalty, and how it can destroy something that was once good. We all know how power can corrupt, and that people who follow without questioning build leaderships who will not be questioned. That climate will cause fraction and discord, and will break apart communities. The blindly loyal won’t accept voices of dissent. They will regard that as disloyalty, when in fact it may be the deepest loyalty to the cause and the people behind it. And leaders raised by blindly loyal may even become blinded by them. A good leader doesn’t need blindly loyal followers, they need clear-sighted equals who dare speak up and question. 

I’m deeply loyal to people I trust and love, but never blindly so. I’m clear-sightedly loyal. I see their flaws, I don’t stand behind things that I don’t agree with, I question when they do harm or demand the unreasonable; I never buy into the whole package. My loyalty is to a person, not all of their actions and opinions. I think for myself. I agree to the reasonable, but I will never give up my free will and free path. I won’t trust you just because you are who you are, I don’t take orders, I have a free mind and free spirit that won’t be controlled. This makes me a poor follower, but a good friend. A good and loyal equal. I may stand behind you, but I will not walk behind you. I will walk next to you, or my own path. And I won’t compromise my own truth.

Love. Love is blind. But is it, really? Does it have to be? Blind love is a lot like blind loyalty; it’s blind, unthinking, unreflecting. It doesn’t see the flaws. I do, even in deepest love. If I love you, I love you in spite of your flaws. And there are things that even love cannot bridge, that even love cannot approve of. Even then, I may love you even though I cannot accept what you do. Acceptance is the key to whether love is enough. “Accept the things I cannot change…”

For me, love isn’t blind, but accepting. 

Time flown

Yes, still alive. How did five years whizz by so fast? Journeying deeper into the Underworld than I thought I would ever go seems to have taken me out of time, or into another kind of time; the timeless present. When I initiated and made vows to Goddess, and just a few months later accepted the beginning of what I now can see for an initiation, I had no idea of how She would take me up on "Bring it on", or what travelling between the worlds would mean (for me).

Was it blind faith or ignorant madness to accept Her challenge so willingly? To make such big vows, bigger than I was aware of? Well, seeing how my faith has been tested, and how I seem to be in a state of "now I remember, now I forget" who I am and my faith, it seems to have been pretty blind. On the one hand I feel deeply unworthy for forgetting and straying from my path, on the other hand I know, deep down, that She is deeming me worthy for meeting and surrendering to Her challenges, and walking through them. After all the only path that matters is life, and living. What use is a perfect spiritual practice, all the right rituals and all sorts of paraphernalia if you don't survive? That's not my path, anyway. Living Goddess is my calling, and in order to be able to walk with people through their shadow worlds, and hold them through their darkness, I must have walked through mine. Or, as the case turns out to be, walk through mine. Present tense. In darkness and in light…

I feel guilty for cutting myself off from the community I love and loved belonging to, but I think it's what I've had to do. (Spoken as if I ever made a choice.) Some journeys we seem to have to make alone to find the treasures and learn to befriend – rather than defeat – the monsters we meet in the shadow realms. But the guilt, and loss, is real. And the fear of not having anything to return to, of not being welcome, as I did step away. Or strayed. Or was pulled away. I wonder if Innana feared that she would have nothing to return to, or Odysseus, or Persephone. What is left of the world we knew when we've gone beyond the edge and returned? We return changed, so how could the world we knew still be the same?

Ah well, I'll see if the road takes me back to the places and people I love. The intention was never to disappear, but I've had to focus on what's here and now, in the analog world, and still do. The constant equation between energy and everything I want to do.

But I am alive. That matters.

September Circle of Light

Can you believe it, a new month so soon? September starts out beautifully here in west Sweden, with a full greeting of sun, wind and the promise of showers later on in the day. Autumn is on its way, but still not quite here, in spite of a gentle bite of frost in the breeze.

I was watching last night's full moon, the last blue moon in a few years, and felt an immense gratitude, which inspired me for this month's Circle of Light.

The September Circle of Light will be held from 6 pm Wednesday the 5th until 6 am on Thursday the 6th of September. Light a candle and tap into the web we weave whenever suits you, for as long as you can and want to.

For the September Circle of Light, sit a while and remember the blessings in your life. Take a moment to find, and immerse yourself in the light, joy, and comfort that gratitude brings. It is not the thankfulness imposed by someone else, but gratitude. A reminder of what you have, rather than what you lack; a reminder of the love, beauty, wisdom, friends, family… all that is in your life. Of magic. Of Goddess's presence and workings. Of you, the shining beautiful being that is you. Born into this world to shine.

Remember your strength and the battles you have fought and won; remember the love given and received; remember your dreams. Hold them gently in your thoughts, like a fragile egg, feel their – your – power, and let the power of gratitude and love fill and flow through you. Feel Goddess at work, as Her power is part of you. Shine, ever brighter.

Blessed be
♥

Read more about the Circle of Light here.

Homesick

It is Lammas, the festival of the Great Mother, the life-bringer who holds us in Her wisdom and unconditional – but my no means always soft and gentle – love, and who showers us with Her horn of cornucopia, the horn of plenty.

It is also the time of the Goddess Conference in Glastonbury. My first conference was in 2006, the last Mother conference, and what a life-changing experience! I wish with all my heart that I could be there now, sharing, dancing, listening, talking, and loving. Meeting friends, sisters and brothers, speaking of the things I sorely miss: Avalon, the Mother, Goddess, spirit.

This September, it will be five years since my dedication as a Sister of Avalon. I haven't been back in Glastonbury since. Not in body, at least. And it seems I won't have the chance to go back for yet more time.

I'm homesick. I long to walk the land again, to lie under the apple tree at Chalice Hill and feel the earth breathing underneath, to wander the labyrinthine windings up the Tor and feel the wind whipping my hair and clothes, to taste the waters of the red and white springs…

I long to let my heartroot connect to the earthroot, in that special connection that exists nowhere else. Avalon is a place of the heart, a place co-existing in parallel to this dimension, but there are places where the veil is thinner, and Glastonbury is one of them. The connection to something greater, to something beyond me, and the wholeness that I feel in nature is so much stronger there.

It is the place my soul calls home, insofar as I have a home.

It is, as Sally Pullinger so beautifully put it, "the source and the return". (Words I heard in my heart while travelling across Britain that August six years ago, only to later hear and sing during that year's Lammas ceremony and read in Kathy Jones' book, Priestess of Avalon, Priestess of the Goddess. The kind of synchronicities that abound in my experiences of Goddess and Avalon, and which thus ring deeply true to me.)

And I miss my Avalon family. How I miss them! I miss talking to my soul sisters, I miss the deep, instinctive understanding and the unintrusive listening, I miss being held in the presence of my sister and brother priestesses.

I feel quite a bit like Bilbo Baggins in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring:

I’m old, Gandalf. I know I don’t look it, but I’m beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel…thin. Sort of stretched, like…butter scraped over too much bread.

I've been away for too long. I feel like I'm losing touch with my Self, like my life force is running low. Lower than ever before, and yet at times stronger than ever. I don't know where and how to recharge my life's battery. Loving is no longer enough to replenish it.

I miss Avalon, even though it is right here in my heart. But I miss it so much that it makes my heart ache.

August Circle of Light

The August Circle of Light will be held today, starting at 6 pm and continuing until 6am (local times) tomorrow morning.
However, seeing that it is Lammas/Imbolc, I will keep my candle running all through the day and night – join if you can (safety first) and want to.

For this month's circle, I would ask you to create a circle of healing love. There has been much pain and upset around, and if we can centre in the arms of the Great Mother's love that we all have inside, whether mothers or not, and let love flow through our bodies, our souls, our astral bodies, and across the web we weave, our energy can do great work. Starting from our selves, as always.

Let the light of the Maiden fill your heart with healing, and allow that healing into your wounded places, into your words and actions, let it mingle with your love and shine through you.

Let this be a time of life bringing love and healing. To you, through you.
Centre, love, healing.

Blessed be
♥

Read more about the Circle of Light here.

May Circle of Light

The May Circle of Light will be held on May 2.

At the time of the great mirroring of Beltane and Samhain, the celebration of love and death, the dark and light faces of love and passion, let us honour Love, no matter on which side of the mirror you find yourself.

However light and bubbly your life may be, filled with light and love, there is often a darker side to it. And however dark and sorrowful it may seem, lost in the darkness with no love in light, you are still loved. So very much. You are a child of Goddess, a child of Life, a child of Love. It sings in your entire being with every beating of your heart; it whispers in your every breath.

We all carry wounds of love. We have all been hurt, or hurt someone we love. We all carry the potential to burn ourselves on the fires of passion. Let us all honour those wounds, so that we may take another step towards healing.

At times, the light can feel as painful as the darkness, the smiling face of the Lover may bring us as much sorrow as the Crone's wizened face in Her deepest mourning.
Love and sorrow seem to be close companions. But remember this: travelling with Goddess, travelling with Rhiannon, means to travel across the veils; across the mirror. How else can we guide others through their wounding, if we haven't lived through ours?

Reach out your hand, and the great Mother is there.
Reach out your heart, and Love is there. The great Lover, the Beloved. 

Be true to yourself, where you are now. Allow the hurt, the pain, the joy, the passion. Laugh. Cry. Love. Be love.

♥

October Circle of Light

The Circle of Light is held on the first Wednesday of every month. The October Circle of Light will be held on the 5th of October.

The connection to the Circle of Light starts at 6pm local time and goes until the following morning. Please light a candle and tap into the web of energy that we create with our participation. No matter when you connect, the presence of our collective spirits and Goddess will be there.

For the October Circle of Light, ask yourself: Am I ready? As the wheel turns toward winter in the northern hemispehere, summer in the southern, we are moving into a time of change, transformation.

Ask yourself: What do I want to change? What am I ready to leave behind? This may not be the time to actually make your move, but to prepare for what is to come. Change comes to all, and whether we allow transformation to happen, or fight it, has a lot to do with preparation.

Let yourself be ready, prepare yourself - and in doing so, allow the emotions to start flooding. Every change brings with it an emotional release. Let it flow through you; let yourself be held safely in the arms of the Mother. Gather strength, resolution, and support from the web we weave together.

Blessed be

Lisa

August Circle of Light 2011

The Circle of Light is held on the first Wednesday of every month. The August Circle of Light will be held on the 3rd of August.

The connection to the Circle of Light starts at 6pm local time and goes until the following morning. Please light a candle and tap into the web of energy that we create with our participation. No matter when you connect, the presence of our collective spirits and Goddess will be there.

For the August Circle of Light, let us ask for the courage to live our lives the way we were born to live, to become who we were born to be. Let us join and together step towards the Light that is our true Selves.

To live a life of Truth, Love, and Beauty, to truly Live Goddess and our faith, may not be as easy as you would like it to be. It may require you to not only let go of the ties that bind you to "truths" about who you are, or should be; but to challenge the roles and limitations placed on you by society. To shed layer upon layer of fear, protocol, convention, habit. To challenge not only how others look at you, but how you look at yourself. We may be free spirits, but Life has a tendency to limit us.

Let us honour our fears and limitations, and start by taking one small step in your Truth, in the Power and Beauty that is yours, and yours alone. Let us weave a web of safety and empowerment, so that we may all challenge one fear at a time. One by one, we peel of the layers to reveal our shining Selves!

Blessed be

Lisa

July Circle of Light

The July Circle of Light will be held on the 6th of July.

For the July Circle of Light, let us prepare for and celebrate rebirth. We are in the midst of a huge shift of consciousness, and so many of us – if not all – are going through a massive transformation. Let us send courage to one another, and stand stronger together, so that we may take the next step.

However painful this transformation may be, however dark your way may seem, and however scared you may be to look into the mirror and face your Self, you are not alone. Find strength in numbers, let the Circle of Light light the darkness, let the Flame of Avalon guide you. The most important steps on our journeys are leaps of faith, requiring us to break free and leave the past behind. It is a journey of death and regeneration, of rebirth, transformation.

Join the Circle and tap into the loving web of energy that we weave together. You are not alone, and death is not a surrender to the dark, but another step ahead. Go deep, and you will find your Self.

To find out more about the Circle of Light, look here.

Blessed be
Lisa

June Circle of Light

The Circle of Light is usually held on the first Wednesday of every month. As June began on a Wednesday, the Circle of Light will instead be today, the 8th of June.

Let the June Circle of Light be a light in the dark; a guiding light for those who travel in the dark at this time, a gentle supporting flame that those who are willing to take the plunge into the deepest depths of our Selves, of the oceans of emotion - to shed a light on what has been hidden in the shadows, to heal on a deeper level.

Let the flame remind us that no matter how dark the night, we never travel alone, and the night will end. Darkness and light, night and day, death and life - one cannot exist without the other. May the Circle of Light bring each of us support, courage, and strength to shine a light in the darknesses of our lives. Even if you fear that a plunge into the dark may drown you, it will not. Through the darkness, there is light.

If you want to know more about the Circle of Light, look here.

Blessed be
Lisa