Darling Sister

Darling Sister,
How did you become so wise?

With you, it's so easy to be myself
You expect nothing else
Not more
Not less
You don't judge, you don't scowl
You accept
You empower me
You support me
At times at a distance, other times here and now

Our paths have met and parted and met again
Together since before the dawn of time
Then separated, each on her path
Alone we have learned about Life
Alone we have grown in strength
So, too, this time
But we met again

You understand more than I can explain
You hear the things I don't say
See the things I don't reveal
You do what I do: You feel it
And day by day you teach me
To trust my emotions and my intuition
Like you can trust yours

You make it easy to speak the hardest things
I always feel that I say too much
That I am being too open
But you can take it and stand still
You listen
You reply
You say the things I need to hear but would rather not listen to
You hold me without carrying me

With you, I am stronger because I can be weak
With you, I can be vulnerable
With you, I dare to love and show my love, as you love the way I do
Love that is unconditional, pure, free, and crystal clear
With you I more and more grow into Me
Because you are always You

And I love you for it
♥

Julie Felix video from the 2007 Goddess Conference

A few nights ago I was browsing YouTube and found this video:

Julie Felix 2007

www.youtube.com

A rare and touching outdoor performance by Julie Felix - filmed by Phil Day

It's the amazing Julie Felix singing "She reminds me of who I am" on Chalice Hill during the Crone conference in Glastonbury 2007. After Chalice Hill, we all moved over Bushy Coombe for the bonfire. I see several of my darling sisters in this video, and I think I was sitting somewhere around where the photographer was or behind that. Singing in harmonies with some sisters.

This video came at a time when I felt very homesick and indeed yearning for Avalon. It's been years since I was back, and I can only pray that I have a chance to return this year. I'm longing to feel Her land under my feet again, to lie down in the circle of Morgens in the Temple, to see the Goddess Hall, to sit under the apple tree in Chalice Well gardens and drink from the red and white springs, to visit Gog and Magog, stand on top of the Tor, tie a ribbon to the holy thorn on Wearyall Hill and spend time with my Goddess sisters and brothers. To step out of the trivialities and mundanities of normal life, that grow so big and take so much time and energy, but that just aren't important. When I step into the strange cauldron that is Glastonbury Avalon, it's like the important things in life come to the fore and the rest falls behind. I still wish I could do the same here.

I'm hoping for a miracle so I can go to the Lover conference in August. In the meantime, I stay in touch with my sisters and brothers, and gratefully accept any little picture or sign from my most beloved spiritual home. I need to go back, and to recharge my batteries, who are running so low, but will do what I can here. Nothing prevents me from doing ceremony here, from meditating and journeying with Her.

Last night, I dreamt I was walking down one of the country lanes just above Bove Town, and it was just so vivid! I know the place in my entire body; my energy calls to the energy there, to my roots. It's like tapping into the earth root, that goes deep beyond words. I need Goddess now, I need my connection to Her, to the Land. I guess I know what I'm doing tonight...

Projection

Projection... something we all experience every now and then, whether from the giving or the receiving side. Someone says or does something that pushes a button, and we project our thoughts, fears, or other issues onto that person, completely disregarding whether our reaction is justified or not. Usually not, as what we react to is our own stuff, rather than what the other person said or did or didn't.

I've learned to always be aware of my reactions and to stop and see whether they are about my issues or about the situation at hand, and that has helped me stop projecting, and to understand when others project things on me. Which has happened quite a lot. It still hurts me, as it makes me feel misunderstood, mistreated and, sometimes, betrayed, when i.e. someone puts words in my mouth or decides to give her/himself the right to decide my intentions. But I guess that comes with the territory: when you do support/self-help work, coaching, self-esteem work, you are bound to meet people whose issues are quite raw and who are totally unaware of this, and who, because of their issues and fears and guilt, get defensive before you can even open your mouth. The trick is to not take it on yourself, to let the other person's issues be her/his; to let people own their issues. Owning your stuff, and taking responsibility for it and for your own actions, reactions, behaviours etc. is fundamental for growing, becoming empowered and for gaining self-esteem. And not least for gaining self-knowledge; knowing and owning your issues makes you much less susceptible for projecting them onto others, and helps you to understand yourself.

A very close friend of mine, someone I consider one of my best friends, gave me a very unexpected and quite hurtful example of projection last weekend. We were out on the town and I made a casual remark about those scales that measure not only your weight, but also your body fat. What I said was that if I got one of those, I wonder how obsessed I would be with the fat percentage. (Of course I would want to see it lower, just like I still would with my weight, but as I no longer bother to do anything about it, the chance it would push me over to the other side is pretty slim. But I still can't help but be careful as I just don't know how I would react. However, I didn't say any of that.) She really flipped; told me that how do I think she feels about that when she weighs more than me and is 4 inches shorter (true). Huh? I didn't say I thought I was too big, and it's not as if she has ever had any problems talking about these things. I could have understood her reaction if I had said something about wanting to lose weight or fat, but I didn't.

With hindsight, I could see that it was about her issues. Although she is easily one of the most beautiful women I know, she obviously had a bad day. But I can't help what I look like, can I? I will not feel guilty for looking the way I do! I honestly think it's deeply unfair if I have to censor my thoughts just because I may look a certain way.

Being projected against sucks, especially when someone puts words in your mouth or thoughts in your head that weren't there. And it hurts when that someone is a person you trust to think more of you. But what to do except for letting it go and putting it behind you?

~L~