Post LGBT festival thoughts

Last week, May 12-16, we had the LGBT festival in Gothenburg, Sweden. It wasn't the first year, but my first, and the first when the festival moved into the city centre and the main streets and places were richly hung with rainbow flags. Gothenburg has been a city more known for hate crime than LGBT openness, even though we have quite a strong LGBT movement, but this past week gives us a lot of hope. The city council and the company that manages the city's outward appearance, festivals, tourism etc have openly supported the festival. In yesterday's Pride parade (or Rainbow walk, as they've chosen to call it here), all the local parties apart from the Conservatives and the National democrats were represented - ie. including the Christian party! - and several politicians have made appearances during the week. I marched under the Feminist initiative banner, as I'm running for local office for them. It's probably the most LGBT friendly party of them all; 4 out of 5 local candidates are openly queer.

I've held two seminars with a colleague, one on empowerment and changing your inner dialogue, and one on non-violent self-defence. It was great fun and it seemed that our audiences really liked them. One man came back to the second seminar/workshop because he liked the first one so much :) It'll be interesting to see where this leads!

It's been a bit of an overwhelming week in personal terms, and the problem with a festival in your hometown is that your normal life goes on, which isn't the case for people who travel in for the festival. So I've had work to do, and haven't been able to go crazy with seminars and workshops and late night parties.

One thing that annoyed me was how there seems to be this stereotypical dyke look; similar haircuts, similar glasses, similar clothes. Very uniform. How alternative are you if you look like all the other alternative people? I really dislike all forms of stereotypes, and take great pleasure in breaking them :) I'm me, and I'm not changing in order to belong in a group. That is just individuality numbing.

Something else that left me thinking were the Proud Rainbow Parents. I wonder if my parents are proud rainbow parents. They've probably never even thought about that, and I think that even though they're not openly not proud, they are indifferent rather than proud. Well, come to think of it, my mother might actually be not proud and disapproving, even though she wouldn't say so to my face. But it's a shame. All parents should be proud of their children!

Eve Ensler: Embrace your inner girl

I received the link to this talk by Eve Ensler from a Goddess list - thanks, Kathy! - and have to share it. Eve Ensler, author of the Vagina Monologues, and many other works, talks about the girl cell. A grouping of cells in women as well as men, that we have all learned to suppress; that patriarchy has done its best to suppress and eradicate.

I want you to imagine that the girl is a chip in the huge macrocosm of our collective consciousness, and it is essential to balance, to wisdom and to, actually, the future of all of us.

And then I want you to imagine that this girl cell is compassion, and it's empathy, and it's passion itself, and it's vulnerability, and it's openness, and it's intensity, and it's association, and it's relationship, and it is intuitive.

And then, next thing, how compassion informs wisdom, and that vulnerability is our greatest strength, and that emotions have inherent logic which lead to radical appropriate saving action.

And then let's remember that we've been taught the exact opposite by the powers that be:

That compassion clouds your thinking. That it gets in the way.

That vulnerability is weakness.

That emotions are not to be trusted and you're not supposed to take things personally.

Which is one of my favourites.

I think the whole world has essentially been brought up not to be a girl. How do we bring up boys? What does it mean to be a boy?

To be a boy really means not to be a girl.

To be a man means not to be a girl.

To be a woman means not to be a girl.

To be strong means not to be a girl.

To be a leader means not to be a girl.

I actually think that being a girl is so powerful that we've had to train everyone not to be that.

[...]

[T]he verb that's been enforced on girl is the verb "to please." Girls are trained to please. I want to change the verb. I want us all to change the verb. I want the verb to be "educate" or "activate" or "engage" or "confront" or "defy" or "create." If we teach girls to change the verb we will actually enforce the girl inside us and the girl inside them.

Yes. Many of us have been raised, trained and educated to deny and suppress the girl inside. I spent decades trying to do just that; thinking that it was the right way to go about life. No-one ever taught me any other way. I literally tried to annihilate myself in the hope that I might fit in, never knowing that I'm not meant to fit it. I break stereotypes, I defy the norm, and trying to be anything or anyone else will only mean that I diminish myself and my glow. And I'm not better off for it, am I? Are you better off for denying your inner girls? It's time we embrace her, embrace our inner girls and be who we were born to be.

Let's stop pleasing, and instead create, defy, break down barriers and just be the glorious emotional beings that we are.

A Safe World for Women

In preparation of the centenary of the International Women's Day, The Women for A Change network has launched the 2011 campaign A Safe World for Women. The 99 years that have passed have seen great achievements and major progress, but there is still much left to be done.

In 1993 the UN adopted the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women:

States should condemn violence against women and should not invoke any custom, tradition or religious consideration to avoid their obligations with respect to its elimination. States should pursue by all appropriate means and without delay a policy of eliminating violence against women

17 years later, 1 in 3 women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime. Why the silence?

Every year, approximately 800,000 people are trafficked across borders. 80% are women and girls. Buying and selling women and girls is the fastest growing criminal industry and fast becoming more lucrative than the drugs trade - and just as corrupt. Why don't our governments do more?

Female genital mutilation/cutting affects an estimated 130 million women and girls. Each year 2 million more undergo the practice. Why no action?

Up to 70% of female murder victims are killed by their male partners. Why don't people talk about it?

The world spends 300,000 times more on weapons than the UN spends on eliminating violence against women. Why?

It's time to break the circle. It's time to demand that women are valued equally as human beings, rather than commodities.

Together we can make a difference. Together we can build the largest ever movement to abolish all forms of abuse against women & girls:

trafficking, slavery, forced prostitution, rape including marital rape, battering, domestic violence, dowry-related violence, female genital mutilation, sexual abuse and harassment; torture, psychological, physical and sexual violence perpetrated by the State.

A Safe World for Women is a safe world for all. Visit A Safe World for Women, see the video above, react and take action.

Note from the Universe for March 25, 2010

If you would see everything filtered through the light of truth, you'd never, ever again know sadness, lack, or limits. You'd see that you are safe. Bathed in love. Surrounded by admirers in both the physical and spiritual realms you grace. You'd see only beauty, perfection, and meaning. And you'd realize that just as the stark contrasts of time and space and the illusions of have and have not imprison you, so too can they make possible wings that will lift you higher.

Seek understanding, or as it was once put, seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and everything else will be added unto you. (Same thing, different audience, grossly misunderstood to this very day.)

Cawwww, cawwwwwww, cawwwwwwwww.... (Soaring bird sounds.)

Tallyho,

The Universe

---

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®

A reminder of how precious life is

A friend of mine died two days ago. Not died as in died permanently, but she died on the operating table during a short routine procedure. She ceased breathing, her heart stopped and she had to be shocked back to life. Thank Goddess for that extra amount of energy that, together with her own life force and determination, brought her back. Her time has not come yet.

The thing is, we know that she may not have indefinite time, but surely not this soon. Because of a persistent cold, I haven't been able to see her for a long time, as I can't risk infecting her with anything, and I want to see her. I can feel that there are still things left for her to do, to see, to experience, and I am so grateful that she is here, and not on the meadows of the Summer Land.

But it is a powerful reminder of how precious and short life is. In the blink of an eye, everything can change; everything can end as we know it. That makes mindfulness and a presence in the here and now so much more important; to live life to the fullest, each and every minute of it. I am once again humbled by the greatness of life and the mystery with which Goddess works.

The Privileged Lovers - Rumi poem

The moon has become a dancer

at this festival of love.

This dance of light,

This sacred blessing,

This divine love,

beckons us

to a world beyond

only lovers can see

with their eyes of fiery passion.

They are the chosen ones

who have surrendered.

Once they were particles of light

now they are the radiant sun.

They have left behind

the world of deceitful games.

They are the privileged lovers

who create a new world

with their eyes of fiery passion.

~Rumi (translated by Deepak Chopra)

Winter until Spring Equinox?

Something struck me today: what if the snow doesn't disappear before spring equinox? I know that the Wheel of Brigit Ana that I follow is modelled on the British climate, and ours isn't the same. Far from it. In Glastonbury, Spring Equinox pretty much marks mid-spring, whereas here, in the north, we are lucky to have spring. Actually, most years we do have spring well under way by the 21st/22nd of March, but there are years when the snow and bitter winter cold don't arrive until February, and it's been twice in the last decade that the snow lay until just before Easter.

I crossed the soccer pitch across the street yesterday, and realised that there's almost 4 inches of ice on top of it, from when the snow melted and then refroze, and almost as much snow on top of the ice. Making it very hard to walk. And the snowdrifts from the ploughs... we're talking meter high and more in places. It'll take forever for them to melt!

When I was younger, we often had the first snowdrops in the garden around my birthday, in mid-January! This year, climate change has shifted the winds around the North Pole, giving us northern winds and an unusually cold and long winter. I don't like it. I really, really, REALLY want spring now...

From winter to spring; Yule to Imbolc

I only just realised that the dance workshop I was doing today starts at 11 am, not 12 as I thought. It's not like me to make that sort of mistake, so I guess some part of me really didn't want to do it. I feel a bit miffed, as it's a really stupid mistake, but at the same time, very free. The sun is beaming down on the snow, and although it's still cold, there's a trace of spring.

I have the strangest and most amazing feeling today, right at the pit of my stomach. It's a very strong sense of positive anticipation, of bliss, of light energy rising and vibrating. If I close my eyes I feel like I'm back in Glastonbury, because that's where I have felt like this. It's Goddess. It's transformation and healing and Love. It is the lightness of release, the strange buzz of change. It is a new beginning on a new day. It is Light returning and Life reborn. It is Bridie kindling Her fire.

Today I make the transition from Yule to Imbolc. Winter has been long and harsh here in the North, and the cold darkness and despair almost stifling. But it is changing now, rapidly. The energy shifted from Danu and the stillness of death before rebirth already around Christmas, to instead resemble that of Arhianrod and, even more so, of Skadi, the Scandinavian/Norse Goddess of winter.

To me, Skadi's energy touches on both Danu's and Bridie's, but is still different. She is the Ice Queen, regal in demeanour, the still, beautiful coldness of the Northern Star and the aurora borealis; She is harsh, unrelenting and still soft and beautiful - as changing as the northern winter. She is a Huntress, accompanied by wolves, who knows how to survive even the toughest winter and who will ride out any storm; She is an embodiment of strength, courage and justice; She is the womb of the waiting for rebirth. There is precious little room for weakness in the harsh northern winter, and I have felt that strongly in my life this winter, but there is a gentleness and protectiveness to be found with Skadi, and with Arhianrod and Danu. The thick fur of the wolf offers warmth, Goddess offers protection and strength.

I now feel that Skadi is riding further north again, leaving room for another Huntress: Bridie. It's strange, I never know what aspect of Bridie will be stronger for each year, and have still to experience the Maiden, or even the Girl aspect. My inner child is healing and growing, but it's like that as she does, she integrates with me so that there is really no division, no separate child part of me. I can relate to Bridie more as a fiery huntress, the healer, the fighter, the bringer of justice who asks me to walk through fire to burn away the dross and bring out that golden core of my Self. And, at times, as the poet, seer and bringer of truths. Which is not an entirely pleasant part to play.

But I also feel the presence of the Sami Goddess Rana-Neida (in some dialects spelled Rana Niejta), who brings spring to the mountains. In Sami mythology, Sala Niejta, the daughter of the sun, removes the snow and the polar night and her sister Rana Neida, daughter of the earth, turns bud into leaf and fills the land with greenery. She is in many ways, a fertility Goddess, much like Flora or Freya, and I've seen Her painted with the small birds, much like my beloved Rhiannon. But I also feel an energy that reminds me of Artemis. The Sami Goddesses in general seem more fiery, intense, than most of the Greek and Roman Goddesses. Maybe that's just because I have a more direct connection with them; an energetic connection rather than the knowledge of reading about them as a child.

Rana has been around me for years, in various forms; she appears as a crone-like shamanka who wanders around me, muttering and beating Her drum, and ancestor watching over me. For a long time, that was all I knew about Her, as She didn't seem interested in communicating with the healers I worked with, and I didn't know how to communicate with Her.

Then something shifted, in Glastonbury, during the course of my training circle. As I affirmed Rana's presence in my life and among my guides and protectors, it was as if She stood taller, grew younger and stronger. Her presence was more than an ancestor, and I am still not sure what "ancestor" means in this context as I haven't been given more than that. Maybe it just means that She is one of the Grandmothers, as I've had confirmed. It wasn't until a year and a half, or maybe two years, ago that I learned Her full name, Rana-Neida, and that She is a Goddess. Daughter of the land, daughter of the green fields.

Spring is on its way, and I feel the energy rising in me again. Did I finally break through the bottom of the cauldron? I am full of love, and vibrating.

Julie Felix video from the 2007 Goddess Conference

A few nights ago I was browsing YouTube and found this video:

Julie Felix 2007

www.youtube.com

A rare and touching outdoor performance by Julie Felix - filmed by Phil Day

It's the amazing Julie Felix singing "She reminds me of who I am" on Chalice Hill during the Crone conference in Glastonbury 2007. After Chalice Hill, we all moved over Bushy Coombe for the bonfire. I see several of my darling sisters in this video, and I think I was sitting somewhere around where the photographer was or behind that. Singing in harmonies with some sisters.

This video came at a time when I felt very homesick and indeed yearning for Avalon. It's been years since I was back, and I can only pray that I have a chance to return this year. I'm longing to feel Her land under my feet again, to lie down in the circle of Morgens in the Temple, to see the Goddess Hall, to sit under the apple tree in Chalice Well gardens and drink from the red and white springs, to visit Gog and Magog, stand on top of the Tor, tie a ribbon to the holy thorn on Wearyall Hill and spend time with my Goddess sisters and brothers. To step out of the trivialities and mundanities of normal life, that grow so big and take so much time and energy, but that just aren't important. When I step into the strange cauldron that is Glastonbury Avalon, it's like the important things in life come to the fore and the rest falls behind. I still wish I could do the same here.

I'm hoping for a miracle so I can go to the Lover conference in August. In the meantime, I stay in touch with my sisters and brothers, and gratefully accept any little picture or sign from my most beloved spiritual home. I need to go back, and to recharge my batteries, who are running so low, but will do what I can here. Nothing prevents me from doing ceremony here, from meditating and journeying with Her.

Last night, I dreamt I was walking down one of the country lanes just above Bove Town, and it was just so vivid! I know the place in my entire body; my energy calls to the energy there, to my roots. It's like tapping into the earth root, that goes deep beyond words. I need Goddess now, I need my connection to Her, to the Land. I guess I know what I'm doing tonight...

Charlie Browns' depressed stance

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."

Charlie Browns' depressed stance says quite a lot. It's easy to feel disempowered, depressed and low when you hunch your back and keep your eyes fixed on the ground. Our body languange affects our emotions in more ways than most people are aware of. And not only that: it also reveals our sense of self, and other people will behave towards us based on what we reveal about us. So if you show that you are depressed, that is how people will treat you; which can be nice if they boost your self esteem, but can also affirm your state of mind and your low sense of self. Which is not a good thing.

Try doing the opposite! The next time you feel small, disempowered, and dejected, straighten your back, hold your head high and try to smile. Smile at yourself in the mirror, smile at the people you meet. What happens with your mood? What happens in how other people respond to you? What happens with your self esteem?